Emotion meltdown

What an emotional roller coaster. The past few days I have felt totally emotional and uptight and tense and just freaked out underneath it all as the day looms ahead. I'm excited but ultimately filled with trepidation. What if I regret it? What if it all goes horribly wrong? What if I die? What if I have life-long complications? What if I lose a ton of weight and my life changes in ways I didn't anticipate because of it (and for the worst?) What if I can never have a donut again? What if's have plagued my mind but I have rarely let any of them come to the forefront, hence a totally short-fused, tense, anxious mood that has been totally unfair to everyone around me. Tonight Kat and I were at dinner and I got the most awesome beef broth ever from our favorite Thai restaurant. It was filling and full of good protein and just hit the spot after a day of not eating enough or drinking enough and feeling rather faint. We started talking about how I've been feeling about food and my food addiction and the emotions that have started coming out and I almost had a meltdown. I wanted to have a meltdown. I said that I was about due for a big cry to get it all out. About an hour later, it happened. I sobbed myself silly. All the emotions just came out and it was like a flood gate. Once I got it all out I felt like a weight was off my shoulders and I feel so much better. I can do this, I will be fine, it will be good. I have so many wonderfully supportive people in my life to buoy my through this and for that I am so grateful.

I have not been perfect on this liquid diet. I have cheated. In the past 13 days I have eaten the following:
1 macaroni noodle
2 sausage blobs off of pizza
1 Sweet-tart
2 gum balls (chewed them, didn't EAT them)
1 almond
1 teaspoon of peanut butter
A few licks of frosting/cool whip from Steven's birthday cake

I am not going to feel guilty about any of it. I am super proud of my willpower.

So tomorrow is all clear liquids and lovely preparations that I am not looking forward to. I won't start those til after 5 so I plan a day full of relaxation and hopefully indulging in the people I love. Then 5:30 am on Monday I check in at St Joseph's hospital and the operation is at 7:30am. I am looking forward to none of that but I am so looking forward to it being over and waking up and knowing it is done.

I'll keep this posted I hope so my friends from the discussion boards know what's happening. Those guys have been a lifesaver, learning so much about what is to come from people who have actually done it.