I'm starting this blog to chronicle my journey as a loser - a poundage loser. And I hate the word "journey." It is too fluffy and goopy but it's hard to find an alternative word that is as concise as the J-word. I want to be able to look back on this "path" and learn from it all so I best put it all down. It's more for my own purposes than for anyone else's benefit but perhaps some of my support group peeps and I can share blogs. We shall see.
So, the J-word started in January when I just kinda decided to take the plunge and investigate weight loss surgery. I've been overweight my entire life and I just am tired of the see-sawing and the struggle to lose and keep it off, start good habits and stick to them and the guilt/shame cycle that goes along with it. I wanted to do something that would put a lock on the door from me quitting good habits and would force me to actually make permanent changes. After attending informational classes and talking to insurance people and lots of hard-core consideration, I decided to pursue a Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy. Check out the details here: http://www.lapsf.com/vertical-gastrectomy-weight-loss-surgery.php
Since January I have attended classes, had numerous dietician, nutritionist and bariatric nurse consultations plus psychological testing and lots of lifestyle alterations in preparation for this huge life-changing event. It's been such a great learning experience and key to getting my mind ready for what is to come. Physical hunger isn't the problem here, it's mind hunger. It's the problem most obese people have - emotional eating, boredom eating, stress eating. None if it stems from hunger of the body and weight loss surgery doesn't do anything to help mental hunger. So it's been a big task to try to recognize and correct those bad habits. I'm not there yet but I've got a much better grip on it than when I started.
So today starts Day 1 of a 2-week liquid diet leading up to my July 18th surgery. I can have low-carb protein drinks, clear broths, tomato soup, applesauce, diluted fruit juice, low calorie cream soups and vegetable beef or chicken soup that has been blended. For 2 weeks. The whole point of this is to lose some weight rapidly before surgery as the the procedure is laporoscopic and to do it they have to move the liver out of the way - when you lose weight quickly, you lose it first from your organs, mainly your liver. So, I am working on shrinking my liver. Exciting. I did have my last coffee this morning. I won't be having coffee again for many many months so I savored it. And now I'm over it. Bu-bye. I won't be chewing again for about 6 weeks. That kind of is a weird thought. I am most concerned about having enough energy on just liquids to function well at work and get some workouts in before surgery. I wonder if 5-hour energy is on the approved list of liquids...I'll have to check it out.
I am excited to start losing weight and seeing numbers on the scale that I haven't seen since I was a teenager. It's hard to believe that is really going to happen, I'm really going to have that kind of success and I'm really going to leave the Morbidly Obese category for good. Today's weight is the heaviest I will ever be again. That's so exciting! I have debated putting my actual weight on here at all cuz it's soooo something a fat person doesn't ever want to reveal. But I guess if I'm going to chronicle my J-word I have to be honest.
Starting weight on my scale this morning - *gulp* 276.8 lbs. The dr scale said 273 and their scale seems like it's off, mine always is higher than theirs. I guess that's good? Whatever.
My scale sucks, it can fluctuate 3 pounds in about an hour. But I gotta go by something.
My doctor's goal for me is 180. I don't know how I feel about that cuz I haven't been 180 since I was like 15. So my happy place would just be getting below 200 and then we'll go from there. It is really daunting to think about losing that much weight but I'm gonna do it. Statistically the healthiest people of my height weigh between 150 and 160. So i guess that is my dream weight. We shall see if that ever becomes a reality.
Okay, it feels really weird to have admitted all that. Obese people tend to hold these shameful facts close and gloss over the stark reality of it. I can't do that anymore, it's just time to DO THIS.
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