Checkup

So I had my 3-month checkup at the bariatric clinic. According to their scales, I was 220 exactly, which is 60 pounds from my highest 2011 weight. YAY :) According to MY scale this morning, I'm at 218.8. I like that number better. I didn't hit the 60 pound mark by my 3-month anniversary, missed it by 5 days, but oh well, I'm still happy with my progress. The next milestones of course the 5's - 65, 70, the big 75, but my favorite, is the 80.1 pounds lost mark - that will mean I will weigh under 200 pounds for the first time since I was 13. I hope to hit that before 2011 is gone, so I have my work cut out for me! I have 9 1/2 weeks to lose 18.9 pounds. I can do it! Better get back to exercising.

I was doing Jillian Michael's 30 day shred and did 8 days of it but then I was busy on the weekend and then I got sick with a migraine that didn't quit til today so I was NOT gonna exercise. So now that I'm feeling better I have no excuse, after a week off (a week goes so fast when you're NOT exercising) I need to start over completely I think. Sigghh...but..it's good for me. I can really tell a difference in my muscles and strength just from doing it for 8 days so if i can actually stick to it for 30, I think it will be amazing results.

I still struggle with managing my stress/emotions outside of food. Life has been very stressful the past few weeks adjusting to having Steven full-time and all the homework and challenges he is facing in 7th grade and my first thought is to drown my stress in Cape Cod salt and vinegar potato chips. I have done it, I confess. But the emotional stress of knowing i did it is worse than the feeling of stress before I did it! So I have learned my lesson. The chips went in the garbage and I bought a new supply of protein shakes. My Dr yesterday said "Muscles and protein a girl's best friend. Muscles allow you to burn more calories and have a higher metabolism and protein keeps you full and not hungry. The result is a lean physique." I have to remember this when I am tempted to reach for the wrong thing. It's always going to be a struggle, I am going to have to always fight the urge to eat food for the wrong reason. I thought it was gone, but as my choices get wider again, the old demons rear their ugly heads. I think I am going to find a counselor to talk to about this this winter when I have a little more time to devote to it. Can't hurt.

So at the doc they were very happy with my progress and how it's going and how I've healed. In the next 3 months I can expect to increase my portions from 1/4 cup to 1/3 or 1/2 cup. That's hard to imagine as I can still barely eat a bite more than 1/4 cup, but the swelling is gone down in my stomach and it will start to relax more and be less stressed, allowing more capacity. I have to start a calcium and Vitamin D supplement now and I'll continue B-12 and a multivitamin as well and that is all the vitamins I will need but I'll be on all of them for the rest of my life, which I am totally cool with, should be taking them anyway. They showed me the pictures they took of me on the first day I visited the clinic back in February and compared them to the pictures they took yesterday. Wow. I had no clue I carried so much weight in my face/neck area, I looked so swollen! It was fun to see for sure. :)

This past weekend we did a photo shoot. The kids, the dog, my sis, and Kat and I. It was so fun to do it and not be paranoid about how I looked and if my double chin was hidden and were my fat rolls showing. So so great!!

So onward - back to working out, continue working on fighting off the emotional/stress eating temptations and enjoy the journey! I am SO GLAD I DID THIS. Why didn't I do it SOONER? That's my only regret. That I hated my body and was trapped in self-loathing misery for SO LONG. I feel like I'm escaping more and more every day from the prison of fat and everything that goes along with it. I have loathed my body and as a result, a part of myself, since I was very young, probably about 9. Just digusted with myself and feeling like a gross loser. And that is gone. If I never lost another pound, I'd be happy with where I am, I feel amazing and healthy and so alive. But luckily I get to lose another pound and another and another :) YAY! :) Love my sleeve!