I just started running...and running...

I'm not Forrest Gump yet...but, I ran my first 5k on Saturday and I'm pretty pleased.  I had been running 5k on the treadmill for a couple of weeks but was worried how that would translate to running outside and in a pack of people.  It was cold in the morning, like 45 degrees, and I was freaking out about how cold it was. I just layered up -wore my sleeveless running shirt, a long sleeve running shirt and a running jacket plus my sweat band over my ears and gloves to keep my fingers warm.

That's me in the red jacket at the starting lineup, just starting to jog.

 I was able to start shedding layers after about a mile and I ended up being quite comfortable, even sweaty, in just my running shirt after 2 miles.  It was a really fun run, Kat told me before I started to 'run my own race' and that was key advice. I had started to want to pass some people and I started to get winded early so I settled back in to my own pace and just ran where I could sustain my pace. It was a good plan. The last 1/2 mile I really poured it on and I was so excited to see I finished under 40 minutes - my goal was to finish under 45 minutes!! My official time was 37:24.  I finished 83rd overall (161 racers), 52nd of the women (113 women) and 19th of my 19-34 age group (35 in my group).  So that's about the middle, which makes me happy, I really just wanted to not be very last! :)

 

Such a positive experience.  I now want to start training to run a 10k.  And work on getting my 5k finishing time up there, I'd love to be able to get it under 30 minutes at some point.  Must work harder!  

Pact

I have found myself becoming so complacent on my food choices, just indulging in the little sweet things here and there at the office and salty snacks when I'm stressed. These will always be my struggle, no matter what, it's old habits that creep up on me slowly til before I know it, I'm eating horribly unhealthily and wracked with guilt and self-loathing, just like before I lost weight. So I'm back to hurting myself, both physically and emotionally. So I need to make a decision to stop doing these things. I have another 20 pounds to lose and a lot more fat covering these muscles than I need. I won't reach my goals by making such poor choices. So I am going to make a pact with myself. Here goes. Ahem...

I promise to honor my body's nutritional needs by feeding it healthy proteins, veggies, fruits and grains. I promise to keep sweets and junk food out of my mouth. I promise to eat when my body is craving good food and not for entertainment, emotional soothing or stress relief. I will do these things to the best of my ability. I will set myself up for successful choices by keeping healthy options with me and keeping unhealthy options out of my reach. Signed..ME. :)

5k!

I ran 5k on Monday on my treadmill, without stopping (except once to gulp some Gatorade -I'm not so good at drinking mid-stride) and I felt super strong and could have gone longer had I really wanted to push it. Super amazing feeling of accomplishment. The Couch to 5K program has really worked well and it's so awesome to finally be at the point where I can just settle in and run. Now I need to work on my speed and run faster as it really is a pretty lame jogging pace when I run. But that's all right, gotta walk before you can jog, gotta jog before you can truly run :) I run in the Challenge Obesity 5k on April 21st and then the Get in Gear 5k on April 28th. I'm ready, and I'm so excited!

I weighed in at 185.2 this morning, so just shy of the 95 pound mark. I'm working hard to get to the 100 pound mark, trying to really avoid the junky food, pack in the protein, drink a ton and work out diligently. It is going to be one sweet milestone, that is for sure! I hope to reach it in the next 4-6 weeks, we will see. My losses seem to be unpredictable and sporadic no matter what I do so it's just a waiting game to see when it happens. And then I will have to assess how much further I need to go. It's all surreal but I am enjoying the fruits of my labors - buying size 10's and 12's when I go shopping, not being self-conscious about fat rolls around my middle, no heat rash on my thighs when it's hot, no aching feet when I've worn heels all day, the ability to work out hard and feel strong, being able to cross my legs like a lady (I really couldn't do that before), not having to shop only at Lane Bryant, touching my toes, having a waist and about 100 other things I can't think of at the moment. It's so sweet :)

I do battle with my body image though more now than before. It's odd but true. The extra skin really bothers me, it is getting worse now that I've got so little fat left to burn off. I could stand to have it removed just about everywhere and I constantly weigh the idea of surgery to take care of some of it. It's kind of a problem though akin to getting new curtains. The new curtains make the furniture look shabby. Then replacing the furniture makes the carpet look bad. So you end up needing to re-do the whole room. That's my problem. Even with intense workouts, which HAVE helped, I still have a lot of saggy, hanging, wrinkly, ugly skin that just won't be tightening up or going anywhere. It's my reminder of what was. And it bothers me and I loathe feeling it and seeing it. I really am more negative about my body now than when I was 94.8 pounds heavier, heck, even when I was 194.8 pounds heavier way back when. I don't really know why. I definitely look better but I am more critical. Perhaps it's because I'm so close yet will never look as good as I could look because of the skin. It's something I have come to terms with and work every day to just accept and deal with. I don't know that I'll ever have the money to have surgery or the guts to go through with such painful procedures so I'm going to have to just learn how to deal with it and be happy with where I am. I shall try :)