5k!

I ran 5k on Monday on my treadmill, without stopping (except once to gulp some Gatorade -I'm not so good at drinking mid-stride) and I felt super strong and could have gone longer had I really wanted to push it. Super amazing feeling of accomplishment. The Couch to 5K program has really worked well and it's so awesome to finally be at the point where I can just settle in and run. Now I need to work on my speed and run faster as it really is a pretty lame jogging pace when I run. But that's all right, gotta walk before you can jog, gotta jog before you can truly run :) I run in the Challenge Obesity 5k on April 21st and then the Get in Gear 5k on April 28th. I'm ready, and I'm so excited!

I weighed in at 185.2 this morning, so just shy of the 95 pound mark. I'm working hard to get to the 100 pound mark, trying to really avoid the junky food, pack in the protein, drink a ton and work out diligently. It is going to be one sweet milestone, that is for sure! I hope to reach it in the next 4-6 weeks, we will see. My losses seem to be unpredictable and sporadic no matter what I do so it's just a waiting game to see when it happens. And then I will have to assess how much further I need to go. It's all surreal but I am enjoying the fruits of my labors - buying size 10's and 12's when I go shopping, not being self-conscious about fat rolls around my middle, no heat rash on my thighs when it's hot, no aching feet when I've worn heels all day, the ability to work out hard and feel strong, being able to cross my legs like a lady (I really couldn't do that before), not having to shop only at Lane Bryant, touching my toes, having a waist and about 100 other things I can't think of at the moment. It's so sweet :)

I do battle with my body image though more now than before. It's odd but true. The extra skin really bothers me, it is getting worse now that I've got so little fat left to burn off. I could stand to have it removed just about everywhere and I constantly weigh the idea of surgery to take care of some of it. It's kind of a problem though akin to getting new curtains. The new curtains make the furniture look shabby. Then replacing the furniture makes the carpet look bad. So you end up needing to re-do the whole room. That's my problem. Even with intense workouts, which HAVE helped, I still have a lot of saggy, hanging, wrinkly, ugly skin that just won't be tightening up or going anywhere. It's my reminder of what was. And it bothers me and I loathe feeling it and seeing it. I really am more negative about my body now than when I was 94.8 pounds heavier, heck, even when I was 194.8 pounds heavier way back when. I don't really know why. I definitely look better but I am more critical. Perhaps it's because I'm so close yet will never look as good as I could look because of the skin. It's something I have come to terms with and work every day to just accept and deal with. I don't know that I'll ever have the money to have surgery or the guts to go through with such painful procedures so I'm going to have to just learn how to deal with it and be happy with where I am. I shall try :)