324 sticks of butter gone, 155 to go!

I hit my goal this morning, just 4 days later than my goal date. Getting the flu helped I guess, I weighed in at 198.9 this morning, that's 81.1 pounds gone! That's 324 sticks of butter. Off of my body!
I went to buy dog food the other day and I get a 40 pound bag. I had a hard time wrestling one big bag, it was weird to think I used to carry 2 of them on my body all the time, everywhere, always.

I bought new pants yesterday and a button down shirt and it's so awesome to be able to tuck my shirt in :)

So far I have successfully avoided sweets/junk food/snacking and I have been pushing the protein like I'm supposed to. One day at a time, I love the new year - new start!

Missed it by that much

Wellz, if I had not had a goal, who knows where I would have gotten? So I'm looking at it positively and am I basically super excited to have come within 1 pound of my year-end goal. I was at 201 on New Year's Day, 1.1 pound more than my goal weight of 199.9. Based on how the middle of the month was going, I consider it a huge victory. I am down 79 pounds and 35 inches from where I was at the beginning of 2011. I never thought I would ever be able to say that, I really didn't imagine that I'd really do it, it was too good to be true. But here I sit, in my size 14 Gap pants and Large sweater, remembering this time last year when a 24 fit comfortably and I could never wear a shirt smaller than a 2x. What an incredible year :) And I'm not done.

My goal for the first half of this year, leading up to my 1-year anniversary of surgery on July 18th, is to lose another 35-45 pounds, and get toned and in better shape. I have seriously slacked on the exercise routine and while that is bad, it is actually good cuz I have lost some muscle. Sounds bad, but, my calves have always been huge and ALL muscle. I finally lost 1.5 inches on each calf so I'm glad about that.

So, onward, me and Jillian Michaels gotta be friends again and I have to get my treadmill in and running and hit the ground running, literally, in 2012.

75!

Wellz, I seem to only post on here at milestones. I am down 75 pounds now, just in time for the 5 month anniversary of my surgery, and it is super exciting! But, I am kind of frustrated because my goal was to be down 80.1 pounds by New Year's and I am behind schedule to do that now. So I'm sad about that but trying to just give myself a break and not beat myself up too badly for it. My metabolism has changed and having 75 pounds off means I carry less weight around and burn less calories so it's just slowed down quite a bit. I have to work out a lot harder to get good results and with the holiday season and all that goes with it, time has been used for other things more often than not. So, I am trying to remember to get my protein in, drink my water, take my vitamins and not worry so much about what the scale says every morning. It WILL move some more, just maybe not according to my original goal. Sometimes I feel like I will never lose another ounce and this is it and then I get very destructive thoughts and I hate that. So i am trying to just be positive and enjoy my new size and not obssess. And ultimately, I'm just not going to turn down a Christmas cookie here or there this Holiday season. My eating habits are so different from a year ago and my body is totally different and my clothes totally smaller and I'm just going to be happy about all that and say "CHEERS" with a Russian Tea Cake :)

So - 300 sticks of butter - BU-BYE!!!! I'd love to get off another 20 sticks in 2011 but I'll be happy with a few pats of butter here or there too. I have another 25-40 pounds to lose so I can't quit now!

I didn't post my 4 month pictures, so here they are:

I didn't get official 5-month pictures taken but here is a picture I took pretty close to the 5-month mark. I took it to show that I tucked my shirt in for the first time in like, ever.... :) I had worn a sweater over this shirt so don't think I wear sleeveless stuff in the winter. But anyway, that's the best I can do. There wasn't much change between month 4 and 5 anyway. So ONWARD :) Thanks for caring enough about my journey to read my blog! :)

280 sticks of butter gone...40 to go by 2012

I hit 70 this morning, woo hoo! I have had a slow month of losing, a couple weeks of losses of under a pound each and that was largely due to Halloween candy lying around that kept finding it's way into my mouth. I'm 4 months out now and happy to have 70 pounds gone in 4 months. Much faster than I ever imagined it would happen. I have found that this surgery is a tool and if I don't use the tool, I don't get very far. But, it is nice to be able to really focus and work hard and see results from that. A surgery of the brain would have been helpful in conjunction with the stomach one - re-wire boredom eating, emotional eating, stress eating so that food is disgusting when bored, emotional or stressed. But, onward! I am stoked to be 209.6, that's only 9.6 pounds away from my year-end goal! YAY! I think I can get it off by then, I would really love to get it off by Christmas, that's my re-vamped goal. Good Christmas gift to myself, to be under 200 pounds!

I have enjoyed getting smaller but today was a bit frustrating to find my new size 14 jeans are loose already and won't fit much longer. I love being smaller but it's hard to stay in clothes. Luckily Jody at work gave me a pair of black work pants so I didn't have to buy any of those like I had planned. I take free clothes from anyone and everyone who offers them, it's a little challenging to completely change your wardrobe every 4-6 weeks. A good problem to have, but still a problem. And I love the thrift store, it has saved me a ton of money both for me and for Steven - he is growing up as fast as I'm shrinking down. He has grown about 4 inches since school started, crazy!

I'm trying to decide what my goal weight should be. I have no clue really. I know that statistically women at my height are healthiest between 148-160 pounds. So I will aim for that range but it's hard to imagine not being too thin at that weight. I don't feel like I have another 50-60 pounds left on me to lose but it is possible I guess. My first goal is 199.9 by Christmas, then 180 by April Fool's Day, then we will see from there. Working out is going to be key to get there, I need to be more diligent with that, lately I've been a total slacker. It doesn't help I've been sick the last week or so. Gotta back to it. Onward!

65 and countin

I like hitting the round numbers. I actually surpassed the latest round number a bit. I'm down to 214.4, that's 65.6 pounds GONE. That's 262 sticks of butter. My goal for the end of the year is 320 sticks of butter gone so I have 58 sticks to go, or 14.5 pounds, then I'll be into Onederland, under 200 pounds for the first time in my memory.

Tonight a friend didn't recognize me. Second time this week. I pretty much love that, it's so fun to know I'm really looking THAT different. It's time to get new work pants again, the last pair I got was from the thrift store and are 2 sizes too big now and LOOK IT. I hate buying dress pants so I've been avoiding it but a Thrift Store trip is in my near future.

I have been lazy on working out the past week or so. It's been stressful dealing with homework and studying with Steven among other things and instead of working out to help ease the stress, my system wants to relax and not do anything hard and feel sorry for itself. I need to snap out of it and get back to it but today is not the day THAT happened. The car broke down and a tow truck was in my evening and now worry about car repairs are in my brain. So, I drowned my stress in a biscuit with jelly. See? I needed surgery on my brain as well as my tummy cuz my instinct is still to solve stress with food. I have really been struggling the past couple of weeks with making the correct choices EVERY time and resisting emotional eating. Life has been stressful and again, I choose to add to my stress but not making good choices hence adding guilt to the equation. But, I have to just do one day at a time, cut myself some slack a bit and just keep going. I have good days where I do perfect, and utterly embarrasingly dismal days where I choose no protein and forget to drink all my water and suck down chocolate in a stressed out haze. Keeping the crap out of my house helps.

I fit in Steven's school desk today. I remember being in college and being afraid of not fitting in the chair/desks there, much less junior high chair/desk thingys. I slid right in, slid right out, no biggy. It was my NSV of the day (Non-Scale Victory) and it made me very very happy :)

Onward. I hope to update soon that I've hit 70 pounds!! Hopefully by Thanksgiving :)

Checkup

So I had my 3-month checkup at the bariatric clinic. According to their scales, I was 220 exactly, which is 60 pounds from my highest 2011 weight. YAY :) According to MY scale this morning, I'm at 218.8. I like that number better. I didn't hit the 60 pound mark by my 3-month anniversary, missed it by 5 days, but oh well, I'm still happy with my progress. The next milestones of course the 5's - 65, 70, the big 75, but my favorite, is the 80.1 pounds lost mark - that will mean I will weigh under 200 pounds for the first time since I was 13. I hope to hit that before 2011 is gone, so I have my work cut out for me! I have 9 1/2 weeks to lose 18.9 pounds. I can do it! Better get back to exercising.

I was doing Jillian Michael's 30 day shred and did 8 days of it but then I was busy on the weekend and then I got sick with a migraine that didn't quit til today so I was NOT gonna exercise. So now that I'm feeling better I have no excuse, after a week off (a week goes so fast when you're NOT exercising) I need to start over completely I think. Sigghh...but..it's good for me. I can really tell a difference in my muscles and strength just from doing it for 8 days so if i can actually stick to it for 30, I think it will be amazing results.

I still struggle with managing my stress/emotions outside of food. Life has been very stressful the past few weeks adjusting to having Steven full-time and all the homework and challenges he is facing in 7th grade and my first thought is to drown my stress in Cape Cod salt and vinegar potato chips. I have done it, I confess. But the emotional stress of knowing i did it is worse than the feeling of stress before I did it! So I have learned my lesson. The chips went in the garbage and I bought a new supply of protein shakes. My Dr yesterday said "Muscles and protein a girl's best friend. Muscles allow you to burn more calories and have a higher metabolism and protein keeps you full and not hungry. The result is a lean physique." I have to remember this when I am tempted to reach for the wrong thing. It's always going to be a struggle, I am going to have to always fight the urge to eat food for the wrong reason. I thought it was gone, but as my choices get wider again, the old demons rear their ugly heads. I think I am going to find a counselor to talk to about this this winter when I have a little more time to devote to it. Can't hurt.

So at the doc they were very happy with my progress and how it's going and how I've healed. In the next 3 months I can expect to increase my portions from 1/4 cup to 1/3 or 1/2 cup. That's hard to imagine as I can still barely eat a bite more than 1/4 cup, but the swelling is gone down in my stomach and it will start to relax more and be less stressed, allowing more capacity. I have to start a calcium and Vitamin D supplement now and I'll continue B-12 and a multivitamin as well and that is all the vitamins I will need but I'll be on all of them for the rest of my life, which I am totally cool with, should be taking them anyway. They showed me the pictures they took of me on the first day I visited the clinic back in February and compared them to the pictures they took yesterday. Wow. I had no clue I carried so much weight in my face/neck area, I looked so swollen! It was fun to see for sure. :)

This past weekend we did a photo shoot. The kids, the dog, my sis, and Kat and I. It was so fun to do it and not be paranoid about how I looked and if my double chin was hidden and were my fat rolls showing. So so great!!

So onward - back to working out, continue working on fighting off the emotional/stress eating temptations and enjoy the journey! I am SO GLAD I DID THIS. Why didn't I do it SOONER? That's my only regret. That I hated my body and was trapped in self-loathing misery for SO LONG. I feel like I'm escaping more and more every day from the prison of fat and everything that goes along with it. I have loathed my body and as a result, a part of myself, since I was very young, probably about 9. Just digusted with myself and feeling like a gross loser. And that is gone. If I never lost another pound, I'd be happy with where I am, I feel amazing and healthy and so alive. But luckily I get to lose another pound and another and another :) YAY! :) Love my sleeve!

Some adjustments

First of all, I haven't been on here for a while so a weight update! I weighed in at 224.6 this morning! That's 55.4 pounds off my body, woo hoo!! (222 sticks of butter)I am working towards the goal of 60 pounds gone by the 18th, which is my 3-month anniversary of my surgery. That's 4.6 pounds to lose in the next 2 weeks which is totally doable if I stay on track.

Speaking of staying on track, I haven't been. I got back into a "food is fun" mindset in the past couple of weeks and while I've still been losing a little bit, I've been upset with myself for the foods that have been finding their way in my mouth. Things like candies/sweets and chips/carbs have been uber appealing lately and I have found myself adding up the calories each day and being ashamed of myself. I went through a very serious operation to change my health and I for some reason think that I can now eat junk food? I finally decided I needed to re-train myself from "food is fun" back in to the correct mindset of "food is energy and that's it, hunny!" So, first I pinky-swore with my co-worker, who is also trying to lose weight, that we would not let any sugar pass through our lips for this whole week. This is hard due to the large bowl of Halloween candy in the center of the Accounting office but there is POWER in the pinky swear! Then, I bought a bunch of protein shakes and have returned to a liquid diet part of the day. Protein shake for breakfast, protein shake for lunch, healthy protein and vegetable supper. It makes my mind stop thinking about food all day, takes the choices away (I got to be morbidly obese cuz I am very bad at making good food choices) and gets me back on track with my protein intake and portions. I also decided to jump the working out into full gear for a full week and pulled out my "Power 90" DVD set. It has a strength training DVD and a cardio DVD and you are supposed to alternate them 6 days a week for 90 days to transform your body. So, I figured I'd do it this week, all 6 days, before bed. So far Sunday, Monday and Tuesday I've hit it and it has felt GREAT. I break a killer sweat, get my heart rate cranked up and exhaust my muscles. (by the way I pronounce that "muskels" cuz it's funner) So I feel way better about myself this week, no more negative talk in my head and guilt for eating poorly, and I'm dropping pounds quicker and I can feel a difference in the firmness of my arms, legs and middle. So putting in the work really pays off. I do 20 reps of 10 different ab exercises every night too and I'm thinking of doing that absolutely every day going forward cuz it's something that only takes 10 minutes, you need no equipment and can be done anywhere really. I should really do it morning AND night if I want to get abs of steel, lol! Perhaps it will help with the loose skin issue that I am dreading. We shall see!

So all in all, I'm still learning along the way and trying to adjust when needed and put in the work. When I eat randomly and don't work out the weight doesn't really move much anymore. They stress that weight loss surgery is a tool and after a while, success will depend on me using this tool effectively. I've reached that point where it is definitely my job to do the work to get the pounds off. I'm ready for more sticks of butter to be GONE :)