Monday, July 11, 2011

Battle of my will

I was in the Burger King drive thru tonight getting Steven some dinner cuz he was STARVING TO DEATH and had not eaten all day. I was thinking how it would be nice to have one last indulgent bad-for-me meal and how it wouldn't matter, I have a whole week ahead of liquids to undo any damage I would do and so what's the harm? The the angel on my shoulder kicked the snuff out of the devil on my other shoulder with the realization that if I did that I would positively hate myself tomorrow. And if I did that then that means food and advertising and immediate wants would prove their hold over me. And if I want something I've never had, I have to do something I've never done - which is to be strong over and over and over and over again always. So I made myself a deal. I could have one bite of Steven's hamburger. So I did. And I don't feel guilty because it was a huge victory compared to what I WANTED to do. And it was mostly protein and I chewed it to near-liquid so that works. The problem is it made me want to eat more when I got home and I had to fight off the eating demons again. I won this time :)

I had a pretty good eating weekend, was too busy to really think about what I wasn't having. It was hard to watch people eat at parties and Steven's ball games and it was really hard to not have popcorn at the movies but I lived. Ultimately it's just getting my emotional attachment to lessen and lessen with repeated wins over temptation. This battle is just getting started so I better gear up!

10 pounds are gone, that feels great! I bought a shirt that was a size I haven't worn in a while so that was a nice non-scale victory or NSV as they call it on the message boards. Just gotta do that another 12 times and I'll be golden!

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